Arrivederci, Baby

To me it's the

oddest sensation

when you realize

that something 

you've thought about 

 and anticipated

for a very long

time is 

finally

here.

A mixture

of butterflies

and joy.

When you are little, it's

 Christmas morning

or the beginning of

summer vacation ~

You simmered impatiently.

And then, it was time.

That long-cherished idea

of going to Disney World

or Hawaii.....

Graduating from high school

or college.....Your wedding day.

The gift of a dream,

suddenly made real.

I wanted a daughter

as long as I can remember.

Even though I was

a child of the Women's-

Lib era, encouraged

to look beyond traditional

gender roles in society,

I always

always

knew that I wanted 

to be a mother.

Even at age ten

when I played

house with my BFF,

I cradled that daughter

who I'd have someday

in my heart  ~ 

And though her

perfect name changed

over the years, 

  the idea of her

 did not.

When we got married

our plan was to wait

five years; to work and

save before having a

baby.  That said, if my

hubby had come home

a year into our marriage

and said Let's throw 

the plan out the window,

I'm ready to be a dad,

I'd have been on board.

We followed our plan.

God had other plans.

Five years.

Six years.

Seven years.

After eight years of marriage

and years of honing my patience,

I woke up to labor pains and the

 realization that the waiting

was nearly over.

My daughter's birthday, so

far out in the future my entire

life, was finally here.

And now she's 16.

This week she boards a plane

for a ten-day trip to Italy with

a group from her school. 

We've been making monthly

payments for this trip for over

18 months.  It seemed so

far away at that first informational

meeting.  Her dad and I were nervous

about launching our girl so far 

out into this big world, but

confident that by then,

we'd be ready.

Not sure I'm ready.

The suitcase is packed.

The walking shoes have 

been tested.  Euros secured.

Paperwork done.

That day she's been

dreaming about, 

nearly here.

So fast.

Too fast.

So arrivederci, my baby,

my someday....

my gift of a dream

that came true.

Fly.

xx

Suzanne

Posted in growing up , kids