Sailing Away: Part One

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 Imagine
someone who believes
in you, unconditionally....

Imagine,
someone who sings
your praises
year after year
after
year.

Imagine,
someone like that
who you can
laugh with
dream with
chat with
for hours.




Now, imagine
that very same
person

not remembering
who
you 
are.

My beautiful friend,
my confidante,
my grandma,
now 93, has been
sailing quietly
away from me
and every one else
who used to
be her world
{except, thankfully,
her daughter, my mom}
for the last several
years.


It's a pain in my
heart that is really
indescribable.

~ Old-age dementia ~


Sounds horrible, but it's
actually a sort of gentle
un-mooring from one
life, preparing for the
next.




Gigi knows that we
have some affiliation;
she's just not sure what it is.
She lives in a group home
with five other residents,
about 10 minutes from 
my parents and 1500 miles
away from me.




That distance never used to 
make a difference, but as she 
started her journey, the
anchor that kept us close
silently slipped away, too.

This summer we were together
one sunny day in a store,
with my mom and my kids.
Suddenly, she touched my
arm and said
We go together.  

She just didn't know how.




Almost every time that I
visit with Gigi, she wrinkles
her forehead in concern and
says,
I don't know whether
I'm coming or going! 

She says it in kind of a 
jokey way, like she is kidding.
{She's not kidding.}

That must be 
a strange, strange
feeling.
Unsettled.
Adrift.


My mom painted this in college and it hangs above Gigi's bed.
My mom is absolutely
the best daughter
in the world.
She sees Gigi 
many times a week.
She takes her out
to lunch, does flash
cards and bingo
with her to challenge
her mind, and once
a week, styles her hair.



You see, all the 
things that Gigi
was to me, she was
that and so much,
much
more,
to Mom.
And even though
she sees Gigi often,
she misses the real her.

My grama's life
began in 1917.  
When I think of the 
history that has
been the backdrop of
her story, I marvel
in amazement.
{She used to, too!}


Five short years ago: My son and Gigi,  memory intact.
And no, she never had any plastic surgery, just good genes!
I yearn for that
relationship that is
no more....How
she used to stay
up late with me over
 the holidays, when
the rest of the house
was quiet and
chat over a
scotch and soda
{her favorite!}
or how she would
rub my back softly
and brush the hair
away from my neck 
when I was sad
or concerned about
something and 
offer her advice.

In future posts, I want
to tell you more about
my grama ~


How she left home at
17 to join a Rockettes-
type dance troupe....

How she lived through
her little boy's experience
with polio......

How she loved Las Vegas
and once requested that her 
ashes be scattered in the 
dancing waters in front of
the Bellagio Hotel!

How she nannied 
for me and my hubby
at age 81 when our
daughter was 3 1/2 
and our son was a newborn.

Her passion for shoes!

But not yet.


Imagine someone
you love, bobbing
along in a little boat 
on the water, caught
between one shore
and the next.

It's a helpless feeling.


However, just sharing
this tale has 
lightened my spirit.
Thank you for that.


Since it's Friday, 
let's toast the weekend with 
virtual scotch and soda
in honor of my Gigi.




She may not know
if she's coming or going,
but she is still darn sweet
and she would love
all of you.

That is one
thing that I don't
have to imagine!

xx 
Suzanne


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