Sleepless

When you take the estrogen out of a woman's body there are many side effects. One of those is the inability to sleep.
I have been struggling with sleep for the past 5 months. I could break it all down for you and list each reason, or I could just say I haven't slept well due to my life. There that about covers it.

A new reason popped into my life last Friday night. I am taking a new medicine and during the initial course they must double the dose for the first few treatments so as to fool your liver. Friday afternoon I received my second round of the medication. The plan seemed to be on course until I feel asleep Friday night.

I had only been asleep a few minutes when I woke to horrible pain in my right leg. Every muscle from hip to foot was seized. Nothing, and I repeat nothing short of amputation appeared to help. It was at this moment that I fully regreted purchasing the ticking clock in my bedroom. Although it fits in well with the design of the room, it only served to remind me of every second I was in pain and unable to sleep.

There are many many many other reasons sleep escapes me...sadness creeps in at night, sadness for the kids and what they face each day. Weariness for me as I try to fight the cancer and it's effects, be both mom and as much of a dad as I can, especially for my son who lost his buddy. Be some sort of balance to Emily who's world shifted and therefore her attitude and vocabulary shifted.

All that to say "I NEED TO SLEEP". So if you will excuse me, I am going to take off my wig, slip my sleep cap back on, warm up the microwaveable heart I bought at Hallmark last Valentine's day (which by the way is very cute and functional), and try to find another hour of sleep.

Good day everyone.