Today I became very fragile. Today I was told that I WAS very fragile. The Tamoxifen that we thought had been helping has stopped helping and the cancer is in just about every bone making them fragile and easy to break.
Now I ask you, what is a girl to do about this? Well, the first thing she does is grab her mom's hand and squeeze it hard....then she gets teary...then she decides that she is not a baby and can handle the next step.....which is chemotherapy.
This I am sure will be a story in itself for tomorrow's blog but I will give you a teeny tiny hint...my insurance will only provide me with one day's dose each month...costing me $200-and some ridiculous amount of dollars....ONE DAY?...WHAT GOOD IS THAT? But just like "mad skills" Barb we will have success on the second poke and it will be a good one.(Barb is one of my fabulous IV nurses...AND she has mad skills....amazing skills...hence the name.)
I don't want to fight this cancer battle, I don't want to live like this, I don't like the thought that I could stand up and shatter a femur...I want turkey and happiness and horses with winter coats...I want strong bones and fewer trips to the Dr. But at the same time I want to know the things that are important...I want to scoot over just a little when I go to bed to make room on my pillow so I don't miss anything..even if He whispers, I want to hear it. This is what keeps me fighting...this and my previously red hair..oh and I am finally down a few pant sizes...very motivating.
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